Ways to resolve conflict situations in the family. Resolving family conflicts

Conflicts accompany every person throughout his life. Conflicts in the family pose a special problem, because they involve people who are closest and dearest to each other.

Emergence family conflicts due to a number of reasons. Often they cannot be avoided or completely eliminated, but clashes of this kind must be resolved constructively, so it is important to understand the true cause of the conflict.

The most common causes of conflict in the family are:

  • spouses have different views on family life;
  • one of the family members (in some cases both) has a bad habit or addiction, for example, alcoholism, drug addiction, etc.;
  • incriminating a spouse of infidelity;
  • accumulated unmet need, for example, for spending time together;
  • material and housing problems;
  • disrespectful attitude towards relatives;
  • reluctance to run a common household and help with household chores;
  • refusal to participate in the process of raising children;
  • disrespect towards each other;
  • different spiritual, social and religious interests;
  • temperamental discordant characteristics;
  • selfish tendencies in behavior;
  • jealousy.

These are the main problems families face. There are exceptional cases, they are classified as “special”, when conflicts arise due to other factors, but this is a rare phenomenon.

Temperament type

Every person is endowed a certain type temperament, although it is more correct to talk about a certain combination in which one of the types dominates, and the rest are “in the secondary roles”, but to one degree or another they are capable of manifesting themselves in behavior.

A family is always several people, each of whom has a certain temperament. A successful combination of temperaments of people creating a family allows them to establish harmonious relationships (although they cannot do without some clashes). But people with polarly different temperamental properties are doomed to frequent family conflicts.

Types of temperament and behavior in the family can be characterized by the following facts:

  1. Cholerics They do not tolerate monotony and routine, they quickly get bored with family life, and this is precisely what becomes the main cause of disagreement. Cholerics are quick-tempered and emotional. In a fit of anger, they are capable of shouting at their interlocutor (who is often a spouse), insulting them, and after a short period of time forgetting about their words and demanding the same from their opponent. Any criticism of a choleric person provokes a scandal.
  2. Phlegmatic people balanced and calm. When a conflict arises, they prefer to remain silent and remain unperturbed. In rare cases, phlegmatic people are able to provoke a clash. They are slow in household chores. Phlegmatic people are conservative people for whom any innovation becomes a real challenge. Individuals with this type of temperament tend to remain alone as often as possible, and their emotional manifestations are extremely scarce, which causes indignation from their spouse.
  3. Melancholic people very vulnerable and impressionable. Closed, shy and shy melancholic people have a weak will and a low level of stress resistance. For them, any changes are extremely painful, and the company of other people causes fears and worries. Melancholic people are comfortable being alone, so a person who has connected his life with a person who has this type of temperament will need to understand the subtle mental organization and support his companion, who has a weak nervous system.
  4. Sanguines open and friendly. The irrepressible energy in this type of temperament is harmoniously combined with a balanced emotional background. Such people are sociable and non-conflict, but in family life may not pay attention to the problems of their spouse, considering them trifles.

Temperament types cannot be classified as “bad” or “good”. It is enough to know their characteristics and manifestations in order to be able to navigate not only in a conflict situation, but also in family life in general.

Level of self-esteem

Inflated self-esteem of one or both spouses is one of the most common causes of family conflicts. In such situations, one of the partners believes that he deserves more, that he could find a “more worthy match.”

The other side of the situation is the moment when the conflict is already in an acute stage and it is necessary to take action to resolve it constructively, but even in this case, inflated self-esteem interferes with the spouses, does not give them the opportunity to meet each other halfway, or simply apologize.

Thus, even petty quarrel can develop into a serious conflict only because one of the spouses was unable to adequately assess the stop.

Jealousy

Public opinion boils down to the fact that jealousy is the companion of love. “He is jealous, which means he loves,” say representatives of the older generation. But today the position remains indisputable that jealousy only poisons family life, and if it is also groundless and acquires pathological features, then conflicts become constant companions of the family.

Most often, people who have certain character traits are jealous:

  • suspicion;
  • self-doubt;
  • distrust;
  • emotional imbalance.

Typically, jealousy appears in a family where the spouses were unable to be sufficiently frank and sincere with each other.

Infidelity

Adultery occurs for two main reasons:

  1. One of the spouses has a weak will. He is unable to resist temptations and is easily captivated by relationships on the side. In this case, betrayal may be accidental; a serious emotional connection is unlikely to be possible between lovers.
  2. There is a dysfunctional family situation, there is no mutual understanding between the spouses, so the man or woman seeks solace with lovers. Here, the decision to cheat can take years to form and lead to dramatic changes in family relationships.

The basic understanding of the spouses should be that the other half is not leaving for another woman (or man), she is leaving her wife (or husband). And this indicates that certain mistakes were made in the family. Of course, both spouses commit them, but one must be wiser and take on the functions of preserving the family.

Types

Conflictology as a science identifies the objective and subjective sides of a conflict, as well as the cause and reason for the conflict.

The specificity of family conflict lies in the fact that gradually the reason is transformed into the cause, and the objective and subjective sides can easily change places.


There is a certain classification of conflict types into which a certain clash falls:

  1. Demonstrative conflict, in which participants create role playing games to the public. Emotional, labile spouses strive to involve as many spectators as possible in the conflict. If they have the same interlocutor, then the conversation moves into a fairly peaceful direction.
  2. Emotional conflict, which is characterized by participants experiencing not the objective conditions of the situation, but their personal experiences. The specificity of the conflict lies in its isolation. Experiences grow like a snowball, and there is no outlet for negative and groundless emotions, so at some point they spill out into a huge scandal, accompanied by hysterics and mutual insults.
  3. Conflict of envy when one of the spouses simply begins to envy the successes and achievements of the other. Moreover, the conflict intensifies if the more successful party begins to realize the situation and strives for even better results, thereby causing even greater envy in the spouse.
  4. Battle for resources when the parties to the conflict begin to share something: power, territory, material resources. This type of conflict can be resolved constructively (the participants come to a compromise and the clash simply stops), and destructively (the conflict transforms into emotional and the root cause of the problem is lost).
  5. Scripted conflict, in other words, this is a situation of manipulation in which one of the parties clearly understands how, for what reason, in what way the collision situation will begin, develop and end. Such techniques are most often resorted to by women interested in material gain.
  6. Adultery, as a type of conflict, is a fairly common phenomenon. The development and outcome of such a situation depends entirely on how the spouses relate to the very fact of infidelity. In any case, betrayal forces both partners to reconsider the features of their intrafamily relationships.

Types of family conflicts are divided conditionally. In some situations, a combination of several types is possible.

Interpersonal conflicts in the family

Young family

The first year of family life is called “grinding in”, and during this period conflicts are a normal occurrence. At this time, rightly called the crisis of the first year life together, young spouses must understand that saving a family means being able to compromise.

Any misunderstanding can lead to indifference. But only truly can create a trusting and friendly atmosphere in the family loving friend friend people.

Between parents and children

Psychologists have concluded that family conflicts between parents and children arise for a number of reasons:

  • unstable parental perception as a result of which adults see the child as not smart enough, attractive, neat, etc.; in such a situation, parents see only the shortcomings and completely ignore the advantages of their children; The problem is especially acute in families where there are still children and comparison becomes inevitable;
  • dictator parents, constantly monitoring the actions of children, criticizing and demanding strict compliance with certain rules and instructions; It is natural that at a certain period of time the child begins to rebel against such authoritarianism;
  • hidden conflict, hiding under a visual peaceful coexistence, when parents simply choose a position of non-interference, each family member has his own interests and activities, and he simply does not care about others; in such families, a system of education “without prohibitions” reigns, the results of which can be quite deplorable;
  • custody conflict, which is based on the desire of parents to protect their children from any difficulties in every possible way; By showing care in this way, adults nurture uninitiated and suppressed teenagers, who over time begin to irritate them with their lethargy and comfort;
  • "shock therapy", which refers to the desire of parents to raise a genius out of a child, in order to achieve the goal, they painstakingly study music with him, learn languages, while successes go unnoticed, there is no praise or encouragement; The result of this behavior is the child’s lack of self-confidence, the inability to empathize and sympathize, so a “Cold War period” begins between parents and children, which can drag on for many years.


Between children

Relationships between children in the family are a special area in which conflicts become certain stages of development. Siblings (brothers and sisters in a family) rarely grow up in an atmosphere of mutual love and friendship. They are constantly fighting for parental attention, territory, toys, sweets, etc.

Parents must accept the fact that their children experience each other negative emotions. After all, it is in relationships with brothers and sisters that concepts such as:

  • leadership;
  • compromise;
  • device;
  • ability to analyze interpersonal relationships;
  • respect for the interests of other people;
  • development of individuality;
  • ability to resolve conflicts.

Consequences and solutions

The most serious consequence of conflicts in the family can be divorce of spouses. In other cases, opponents may stop trusting each other and try to hide some aspects of their lives.

The constructive consequences of conflicts in the family include the development of the ability to compromise and the desire to hear a partner.

The main ways to resolve the conflict can be presented as follows:

  • identify the objective cause of the conflict;
  • evaluate the role of each participant in the conflict;
  • turn off emotions;
  • compromise, thereby saving the relationship;
  • prevention of conflict.

It is worth remembering that family life cannot be absolutely conflict-free, but the ability to resolve conflicts constructively is the true purpose of any family person!

  • devote more time to your spouse;
  • give compliments about the appearance of your companion;
  • distribution of housekeeping responsibilities;
  • devote time to raising children;
  • If necessary, contact a family psychologist.

For wives

  • devote more time to your spouse;
  • take an interest in his affairs at work;
  • support any endeavors of the spouse, instill confidence in him;
  • find time to just talk, at least a few minutes a day to share your thoughts, feelings and experiences;
  • discuss everyday issues together;
  • be able to negotiate and compromise;
  • V difficult cases seek the help of a specialist.

Children and parents

  • find a common circle of interests and friends;
  • in a large family, do not play favorites;
  • do not compare children with each other;
  • give children the opportunity to independently resolve conflict situations;
  • encourage the desire for compromise and agreement;
  • in special cases, use help child psychologist, which will offer methods for correcting relationships.

Undoubtedly, best way to get out of family conflict - not to create it. But the natural conditions of existence of any family are inextricably linked with certain difficulties and clashes.

In this regard, each family member must make every effort to ensure that an atmosphere of love and mutual understanding reigns in the family, and conflicts are resolved only in a constructive direction.

Video: How to avoid basic conflicts in the family

Preventing family conflicts

Prevention and resolution of family conflicts should be considered as the main activities for managing such conflicts. Often, when resolving family conflicts, they use the services of a mediator.

Prevention of family conflicts depends on all family members and, above all, on the spouses. It should be borne in mind that some minor family quarrels can have a positive direction, helping to reach agreement on controversial issues and preventing a larger conflict. But in most cases, family conflicts should not be allowed. The main ways to prevent family conflicts depend on the potential subjects of conflict interaction (spouse, parent, children, relatives, etc.). For each specific case You can find useful tips in the recommended literature.

Ways to prevent family conflicts

Here we will name only the most common paths prevention of family conflicts arising from the socio-psychological patterns of family development. These ways are:

* formation of psychological and pedagogical culture, knowledge of the basics family relations(primarily this applies to spouses);

* raising children taking into account their individual psychological and age characteristics, as well as emotional states;

* organizing a family on a full-fledged basis, forming family traditions, developing mutual assistance, mutual responsibility, trust and respect;

* formation of a culture of communication.

Ways to resolve family conflicts

Conflicts have existed and will exist; they are an integral part of human relations. They arise due to differences between people, due to the fact that the actions, ideas, and feelings of each of us are not the same and sometimes come into conflict with each other.

Based on the work of David Johnson, we can propose one of the possible models of behavior for resolving a conflict situation.

The following factors play an important role in constructive conflict resolution:

Adequacy of conflict reflection.

Often in a situation of conflict, we incorrectly perceive our own actions, intentions and positions, as well as the actions, intentions and points of view of our opponent. Typical reflections of perception include:

Categorical - seeing the relationship with a spouse in “black and white colors”. If a problem is identified in any aspect of the marriage, you tend to believe that the marriage is doomed. And vice versa, if there is progress in any area of ​​the relationship, then you are completely calm about the marriage as a whole.

Pessimism - You notice and attach importance only to the negative aspects and ignore the positive aspects of your married life. Your forecasts for your future together are quite gloomy.

Subjectivism - You ignore the obvious, operating with “your own” facts. You are used to using your feelings as evidence of something.

Frivolity - You are sure that the problem does not exist or that individual facts that occur do not have any significance for your marriage.

Idealism - you have a romantic outlook on life. Your expectations for yourself, your partner, and your marriage in general are not realistic.

Unrealistic demands - You demand your spouse to be the way YOU want him to be. The most common words in your vocabulary are “should” and “must”.

Comfort orientation - You view marriage as a tool for satisfying only your needs and increasing the level of only your comfort.

Getting stuck - you become fixated on one, often negative, event and subsequently view your relationship with your spouse through the “prism” of this event.

Fatalism - You refuse to change anything in your marriage, not because everything suits you, but because “nothing can be changed.” The principle “what will be will be.”

Conservatism - You view marriage as an established stereotype of relationships. External influences cause you anxiety. The thought that something needs to change is fear.

Sacrifice - You view marriage from the perspective of sacrifice and the need to constantly sacrifice something: to save the marriage, for the sake of someone or something. A classic example: for the sake of the children. The main mistake is that children, adopting your way of relationships, implement it in their families, dooming themselves to the same role of “victim” (the principle of negative programming).

In any conflict, both partners experience so-called mixed feelings. On the one hand, everyone feels hostility, anger or hatred towards the other, a desire for the opponent to give up his position, on the other hand, opponents have more benevolent feelings generated by the totality of previous relationships, as well as a desire for mutual understanding and agreement.

Knowing this, in a conflict situation you need to carefully analyze your feelings in specific cases.

Openness and effectiveness of communication between conflicting parties;

This is the main condition for constructive conflict resolution. Therefore, sometimes it makes sense at the very beginning of a conflict to take a risk and express to each other as fully as possible, even in a harsh form, what you feel. At this moment, there is no point in trying to solve anything; the main thing is not to offend or humiliate your partner.

Mutual expression of feelings can help create the conditions for using communication to constructively exchange ideas. And also, you should avoid threats, lies, attempts to manipulate your partner, because these actions are dictated by the desire to get the upper hand over the enemy, and not to achieve mutual agreement.

Creating a climate of mutual trust and cooperation.

The conflict is resolved more successfully if both parties are interested in achieving some common result that encourages cooperation.

Determining the essence of the conflict.

The more precise the definition of the essential elements of a conflict, the easier it is to find means for effective behavior. Consistent behavior aimed at overcoming the conflict as a whole involves several stages:

a) identification of the main problem;

b) determining the cause of the conflict;

c) searching for possible ways to resolve the conflict;

d) joint decision to exit the conflict;

e) implementation of the planned joint method of resolving the conflict;

f) assessing the effectiveness of efforts made to resolve the conflict.

Marital conflicts are, unfortunately, an inevitability that absolutely all couples face. “Clashes” between spouses happen sooner or later, even with those who do not believe in it, who are trying to prove that they exist ideal relationship.

Destructive and constructive

  • Destructive conflicts “seek” to humiliate and offend.
  • The purpose of constructive conflicts is to attempt a truce and smooth out the “bad” situation.

Conflicts can arise, as they say, out of nowhere. That is, there seems to be no reason to “start a conflict fire,” but it still appears and flares up. But it also happens differently when both spouses are really to blame for what happens between them.

Causes of family conflicts

Because of which a conflict situation arises: bad mood, problems at work, financial difficulties, jealousy, betrayal, differences of opinion, dispute, alcohol abuse, insults, lack of intimate life or dissatisfaction (dissatisfaction) with it, deception, “difference” of tastes and outlook on life, unfulfilled promise….

Ways to resolve conflict situations

Now we will look at some conflict situations in more detail, discussing how you can cope with any “problem”.

Husband doesn't like shopping?

Go shopping with friends or alone! Remember that men will never love shopping trips. It's easier for them to evaluate what you bought than to participate with you in the buying process.

Does your spouse give you anything?

There is no need to turn this topic into a huge scandal! Just talk to him. Explain how important it is for you to receive gifts from him. Or take the first step. Can you guess which one? Certainly! Give your loved one something nice. Find out what you really need so you don't go wrong.

Remember that all “black stripes” will disappear. You just need to wait for this moment and not panic. Take care of your nerves (yours and yours).

Don't provoke your loved one to jealousy

Try not to make him jealous of someone, even as a joke. Many men become unbearably hot-tempered during the “zealous” period. Be extremely careful! “A man’s tongue is small, but how many lives has he ruined!” It is possible that you have already read this saying several times.

Cheer up your loved one

However, only do this if you see that he needs it. Many men like to be alone when something is gnawing, tormenting or worrying them.

How can you cheer up a loved one?

We can talk a little about this if you want to touch on a similar topic.

Give him surprises

Naturally, they should be as pleasant as possible, albeit unexpected.

Offer to take a walk, unwind, and relax. Offer this, but do not insist if you receive a refusal, so as not to “inflame” tension in communication.

Think about something pleasant and tell your spouse about your memories. If he likes this idea, he will appreciate it and continue to remember everything with you.

Give your husband a romantic evening

Prepare something interesting, tasty, original. Men have a special attitude towards food. You yourself are aware of this.

Children are real happiness!

But, unfortunately, they also become the cause of family conflicts. It happens that a wife wants children, but the husband wants the opposite. And it happens that spouses dream of becoming parents, but nothing works out for them, although they do everything to achieve the desired goal.

There are cases when a wife cries at night and asks fate for her husband to change, become softer and agree to become a father. You can try taking him to see a psychologist. However, this is not easy to do either.

Raising children is another reason why husbands and wives fight. Women are more likely to feel sorry for their babies. Men treat them much more strictly. Sometimes severity even goes beyond all limits!

Another reason for conflict

Poor relationships between young people and their parents (due to “misunderstanding” and understatement). Try living separately. It is quite possible that then the conflict will be settled, although not forgotten.

What needs to be done to ensure that the conflict does not drag on for long?

There are many different ways...

Compromise is one of the most effective

However, the whole problem is that many people do not know how to “collaborate” with him. Reasons: character, pride, selfishness.

Coordination

If you choose this method to “remove” the conflict, then keep in mind that you will have to sacrifice everything to make your spouse feel good. Coordination is a method that is much “cooler” than compromise (in the sense that not everyone is able to act as a “self-sacrifice”).

Suspension (evasion)

The solution to any important issue is put on the back burner until better times. This method “breathes” real uncertainty or doubt.

Remember that a man responds well to quiet speech

So if you want to quickly say “no” to a conflict, then try to maintain a quiet tone of speech, without exceeding it even by the slightest!

Forbidden phrases

Never use phrases like: “You will never change,” “You have always been like this,” “I didn’t expect anything else.”Don't humiliate a person! After all, you once liked him just like that! Have you forgotten about this? People don't change radically. They are capable of becoming different, but for a certain time.

Relax

Relax to relieve nervousness and tension and look at your spouse again with different (kinder) eyes. Everyone chooses their own way of relaxation. You can choose: sauna, solarium, sleep, bath, watch a good movie.

Take a break

Don't focus your attention on the conflict! Take a break from the kids homework, talking on the phone. Do everything not to think about the fact that there was a conflict between you just recently.

Convince your interlocutor that he was heard and understood by you. By the way, you don’t have to agree with him at all. Show that you respect what he thinks and don't criticize him.

Family ideology -

Air out family relationships -

Or maybe you...

According to experts who study the family, compatibility between marriage partners is not always achieved and usually not immediately (Kovalev S.V., Sysenko V.A.). Any, even the most private aspect of internal, deep-seated incompatibility will inevitably manifest itself on the surface in the form of behavioral conflicts.

According to N.V. Grishina’s definition, a conflict is a bipolar phenomenon (a confrontation between two principles), manifesting itself in the activity of the parties aimed at overcoming contradictions, and the parties are represented by an active subject (subjects).

Conflict- this is a common feature of social systems, it is inevitable and inescapable, and therefore should be considered as a natural part of human life. Conflict can be accepted as a form of normal human interaction. It does not always and not everywhere lead to destruction; this is one of the main processes serving to preserve the whole.

The value of conflicts is that they prevent the ossification of the system and open the way to innovation. Conflict is a stimulus for change; it is a challenge that requires a creative response. In a conflict, there is undoubtedly a risk of destruction of relations, the danger of not overcoming the crisis, but there is also a favorable opportunity to reach a new level of relations, constructively overcome the crisis and gain new life opportunities.

Kovalev S.V. notes that happy families are distinguished not by the absence or low frequency of conflicts, but by their low depth and comparative painlessness and consequencelessness.

Types of conflicts.

IN social psychology As the constituent elements of the conflict, an objective conflict situation, on the one hand, and its images among the participants in disagreements, on the other, are distinguished. In this regard, the American psychologist M. Deutsch proposed considering the following types of conflicts:

  1. A genuine conflict that exists objectively and is perceived adequately (the wife wants to use the spare room as a storage room, and the husband as a darkroom).
  2. A random, or conditional, conflict that can easily be resolved, although this is not realized by its participants (the spouses do not notice that there is still space).
  3. Displaced conflict - when behind the “obvious” conflict something completely different is hidden (arguing over a free room, spouses are actually conflicting because of ideas about the role of the wife in the family).
  4. An incorrectly attributed conflict is when, for example, a wife scolds her husband for what he did, carrying out her own order, which she has already completely forgotten about.
  5. Latent (hidden) conflict. It is based on a contradiction that is unconscious to the spouses, but which nonetheless objectively exists.
  6. A false conflict that exists only because of the perception of the spouses, without objective reasons.

The real causes of the conflict are difficult to detect due to various psychological factors. Firstly, in any conflict, the rational principle is usually hidden behind emotions. Secondly, the true causes of the conflict can be reliably hidden and psychologically protected in the depths of the subconscious and appear on the surface only in the form of motivations acceptable to the self-concept. Thirdly, the causes of conflicts can be elusive due to the so-called law of circular causation (causality) of family relationships, which also manifests itself in marital conflicts.

Causes of marital conflicts.

V. A. Sysenko (1981) divides the causes of all marital conflicts into three large categories:

  1. conflicts due to unfair distribution of labor ( different concepts rights and obligations);
  2. conflicts due to unmet needs;
  3. quarrels due to shortcomings in upbringing.

Regarding the first reason, it should be noted that the main thing in the distribution of family responsibilities is their consistency, as a result of which both traditional and egalitarian family models can be quite acceptable for family well-being if they satisfy both spouses. The search for this consistency can be fraught with conflict. A husband and wife may expect very different things from marriage and have different ideas about their family life. Moreover, the more these ideas do not coincide, the less stable the family is and the more dangerous situations arise in it. In such a case, we can talk about a mismatch of role expectations, a role conflict, or more broadly, a conflict of ideas.

If family members understand their roles differently and present each other with inconsistent, rejected by others, expectations and corresponding demands, the family is obviously incompatible and conflicting. The behavior of each person, which corresponds to his individual ideas about his family role, will be considered by him as the only correct one, and the behavior of the other partner, which does not meet these ideas, as incorrect and even malicious.

Closely related to these expectations and ideas are the needs that spouses would like to satisfy in marriage. If the ideas do not coincide, then the needs are in mutual disagreement: we strive to satisfy not those needs that are relevant for the other, and accordingly, we expect from him to satisfy those of our needs that he is not going to satisfy. Such a mismatch first turns into a hidden, and then into an open behavioral conflict, when one of the spouses with his expectations and needs becomes an obstacle to satisfying the desires, intentions and interests of the other.

It is known that the family and marital needs of men and women are very different (Harley W., 1994). Age differences in family and marital needs were also discovered: if at a young age (20-30 years old) the emotional, sexual, spiritual side of relationships (sincerity and openness in communication) is most important for women, then at the age of 30-40 and 40-50 years, along with On the communicative side, the husband’s dedication to the family (the man’s fulfillment of paternal responsibilities towards children) becomes increasingly important, and after 50 years - financial support from the husband and help around the house (Andreeva T.V., Pipchenko T.Yu.

Conflicts in the family are also influenced by inadequate and contradictory family and marital ideas and expectations. In the psychological literature, three main reasons are identified for the discrepancy between family and marriage ideas of young people (Kovalev S.V.).

The first reason is due to the fact that our ideas about marriage and family become more refined and saturated with details, as the family becomes less and less consistent with the functioning pattern that has developed over centuries.

The previously existing scheme for transferring family experience from parents to children began to fail more and more often. Thus, according to a survey conducted in Estonia back in the mid-1970s, only 12% of newlyweds intended to completely follow the example of their parents in their relationships, about 60% intended to do this partially, and the rest saw their family as completely different from their parents’ family. (quoted from: Kovalev S.V.).

The second reason is that family and marriage ideas are currently very far from ideal. Research conducted in Vilnius showed that these ideas are often limited to one aspect of life, mainly household or sexual. It turned out that in most cases the responsibilities of the gender to which the interviewee belonged were discussed in more detail, rather than those of the opposite gender. The greatest discrepancy between young men and women was in their ideas about how to support good relationship in the family. Representatives of the stronger sex saw their main task in material support, forgetting about the moral and emotional support that a husband is obliged to provide to his wife. In contrast, representatives of the fairer sex emphasized the importance of this support and discussed it in detail.

The third reason is that the conflict of ideas of young spouses can become aggravated and aggravated due to very poor knowledge of each other’s ideas. This happens, firstly, because during the period of premarital courtship they prefer to discuss any topics except those that directly relate to family relationships. Secondly, the very short duration of this premarital courtship prevents them from finding out each other’s ideas.

In marital relationships, the role of marital communications, communication skills and culture is very important (quoted from: Kovalev S.V.). V. Satir (1992) drew attention to illusions and traps in communication, which often lead to conflicts.

American researchers V. Matthews and K. Mikhanovich identify the 10 most important differences between happy and unhappy family unions. It turned out that in unhappy families, spouses:

  1. do not think the same way on many issues and problems;
  2. poorly understand the feelings of another;
  3. say words that irritate another;
  4. often feel unloved;
  5. do not pay attention to others;
  6. have an unmet need for trust;
  7. feel the need for a person they can trust;
  8. rarely compliment each other;
  9. often forced to yield to the opinion of another;
  10. wish for more love.

S.V. Kovalev argues that for the happiness of a family, a fairly limited set of purely psychological conditions is necessary:

  • normal conflict-free communication;
  • trust and empathy;
  • understanding each other;
  • normal intimate life;
  • having a home.

V. A. Sysenko divides all relatively dysfunctional families into three types: conflict, crisis and problem.

Conflicting marital unions include those in which there are areas between the spouses where their interests, needs, intentions and desires constantly come into conflict, giving rise to particularly strong and lasting negative emotions.

Crisis ones are those where the confrontation between the interests and needs of the spouses is particularly sharp and affects important areas of the family’s life.

Troubled marital unions- who are faced with particularly difficult life situations that can cause a significant blow to the stability of a marriage: lack of housing and a long-term illness of one of the spouses, a long-term sentence, etc. However, the objective circumstances of the family’s life influence its well-being only through their subjective assessment by the spouses. In special medical literature there is the concept of “neurotic family”, used to characterize a family in which one spouse or both suffer from one or another neuroses, and the latter leave a very noticeable and significant imprint on the marital relationship.

A. N. Kharitonov and G. N. Timchenko developed the author’s concept of the essence (definition and signs) of the difficulties of family relationships. According to the authors’ definition, difficult family relationships (family difficulties) are negative, destructive interpersonal relationships in the family associated with dissatisfaction of basic needs and requiring additional efforts of each family member and the entire family group on the path to achieving harmony, maturity and normal functioning.

Generalized sign of family difficulties is expressed in dissatisfaction or fragmented satisfaction with the basic needs of family members (or at least one spouse) in the process of communication difficulties, dissatisfaction with marriage, and family life in general. Basic single signs of a difficult relationship:

  1. Insufficient psychophysiological compatibility of spouses, including sexual, negative or unclear perception physical attractiveness, acceptability of family members to each other.
  2. Insufficient personal maturity of parents, children (or only spouses) in accordance with gender, age, role in the family. Personality indicators: the presence of intrapersonal conflicts, anxiety, immoderation, mental stress, symptoms of neurotic reactions, neuroses; behavioral difficulties, accentuated features; insufficient adequacy in the level of maturity of various personal spheres of a family member; incomplete adaptation in microsocial processes; difficulties in self-regulation of one’s states, feelings, behavior, etc.
  3. Lack of mutual desire to satisfy the basic needs of husband, wife, children on the part of spouses and parents.
  4. The predominant presence in contacts sleeping within the family of negative, destructive emotions and feelings along with the presence of positive, constructive emotions and feelings.
  5. Cognitive mismatch in perception, understanding, and coincidence of values ​​of spouses, parents and children.
  6. Rigidity, conflict, competition, uncompromisingness, poor adaptability in the interpersonal behavior of family members.
  7. Difficulty finding methods, methods, types of solutions various problems in progress life cycle family (Kharitonov A.N., Timchenko G.N.).

The perception of conflict situations in married life, first of all, depends on the personal qualities of each spouse. Difficulties in controlling one's own behavior also arise in situations of constant overwork. Thus, married working women have inappropriate reactions in the home environment when they react sharply to the usual pranks or misdeeds of children, husband’s activities, etc.

Many conflicts can be chronic. Typically, chronic conflicts are associated with socio-psychological attitudes of the individual that develop throughout life. This may be a fundamental disapproval of some features of the lifestyle and behavior of the husband or wife. Behind chronic conflicts are unsatisfied needs and fundamental incompatibility of characters, socio-psychological attitudes, views, and life positions. They are characterized by depth and consistency. Most often, from the point of view of spouses, chronic conflicts are practically insoluble and almost always pose a problem to the marriage. dangerous situation(Sysenko V. A).

Many authors associate conflict in relationships with parental family behavior patterns. Thus, S. Kratochvil notes that an individual learns the male or female role to a large extent from his parents and tends to unconsciously use the model of parental relationships in his family, regardless of whether he likes them or not. Conflicts in young families are associated with differences in the rules that each spouse learned from their parental family. Thus, in some families it is customary to resolve conflicts immediately and emotionally, while in others it is customary to resolve them rationally and calmly, after first breaking up and calming down. As a result, people learn various ways conflict resolution in ancestral families and in their own family behave the same way, while everyone believes that they are resolving the conflict correctly, but the other side does not. Each believes that the other is breaking the rules. The same applies to rules regarding housekeeping, financial expenses (saving money or spending it immediately), raising children and many household details (Richardson R.W.). This also applies to the views accepted in ancestral families regarding the priorities of household affairs (ideal order, comfort, cooking) or raising children, their development, activities with children, their education. Many authors have noted greater stability and lack of conflict in families formed by partners from similar distribution of power, responsibilities and, in general, family structure and values ​​(Kratochvil S). This can partly explain the greater stability of families formed by “natives” from the village, noted by many authors: in many aspects everyday life(who should do what, how to run the household, what is important and what is not).

Tactics for resolving marital conflicts

Speaking about resolving marital conflicts, V. A. Sysenko believes that it is necessary:

  • maintain a sense of personal dignity for husband and wife;
  • demonstrate mutual respect and deference at all times;
  • try to arouse enthusiasm in the other spouse, restrain and pacify manifestations of malice, anger, irritability and nervousness;
  • do not focus on the mistakes and miscalculations of your life partner;
  • do not blame the past in general and past mistakes in particular;
  • use a joke or any distracting technique to relieve or pause growing mental tension;
  • resolve looming conflicts by diverting to other safe topics;
  • do not torment yourself and your partner with suspicions of infidelity and betrayal, restrain yourself in manifestations of jealousy, muffling the suspicions that arise;
  • remember that in marriage and family it is necessary to demonstrate extreme patience, forbearance, kindness, attention and other positive qualities.

In relation to family conflicts, it is useful to listen to the recommendations of specialists in conflict management and interpersonal communication training. Destructive tactics (ignoring, belittling the partner’s personality, egocentrism) should be avoided and positive ones should be used. For example, use the so-called active listening in interpersonal relationships - a system of actions that help focus the listener’s attention on the partner, activate the partner’s self-expression, perceive and understand what is said (and not said by him). Very relevant in family and marital relations is the use of emphasizing the importance of the partner (statements conveying to the partner messages that his contribution is valued, respected, grateful to him, admired by him), as well as emphasizing the commonality with the partner (statements stating the similarities between the speaker and his partner common features, commonality of positions, experiences, experiences, etc.).

American family psychotherapist Dean Delis demonstrates an interesting approach to conflict resolution. In his opinion, conflicts caused by the so-called “imbalance of objective circumstances” are the easiest to correct. By this term he understands tense situations that subside in families that find themselves in stressful situations, which D. Delis understands in a broad sense. This includes any changes, such as moving, the birth of a child, a wedding, changes in professional status, an accident, teenage rebellion, etc. The author includes the following tactics for resolving the imbalance of objective circumstances: firstly, you should blame the situation, not each other ( that is, it is necessary to realize the regularity of the changes in relationships); secondly, you should empathize with your spouse (try to take his position and express understanding of his difficulties); thirdly, one should negotiate to restore balance, avoiding vague sincerity. It is necessary to draw up specific and effective short-term and long-term plans to jointly change the situation that has arisen. D. Delis believes that there is always a way to improve a bad situation if partners take responsibility for finding the best way out and use non-accusatory communication tactics.

Structured family therapy techniques: “Memories” (memories reveal what is bothering the person in at the moment), « Family photos"(family structure, role behavior, etc.), "Family puppet interview" (the story played is associated with conflicts in the family), "Draw a dream" (good for children), etc. Sociometric techniques: “Family sculpture” (family members show intra-family relationships by depicting a sculpture), “Family choreography” (family scene without words), etc. Behavioral techniques: “Marital Conference” and “Family Council”, etc.

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Psychological characteristics of family relationships. Characteristics of non-constructive attitudes toward marriage. Causes of family conflicts and their classification: physiological, psychosexual, status-role, age, value, material.

Plan

INTRODUCTION -

1. Family relationships

1.1 Unconstructive attitudes toward marriage

2. Causes of family conflicts

2.1 Types of conflicts

3. Classification of conflicts

4. Prevention of family conflicts

4.1 Ways to prevent family conflicts

5. Ways to resolve family conflicts

5.1 Determining the essence of the conflict

Conclusion -

List of used literature

- INTRODUCTION -

Conflictology is a relatively young science. It appeared in its completed form only by the middle of the 20th century. But conflicts have always existed, and the first attempts to understand them date back to ancient times.

Ancient philosophers believed that conflict in itself is neither good nor bad; it exists everywhere, regardless of people's opinions about it. The whole world is full of contradictions; the life of nature, people and even Gods is inevitably connected with them. True, they had not yet used the term “conflict” itself, but they had already seen that conflict does not exhaust the whole of life, but represents only a part of it.

Conflictology is one of the youngest branches of scientific knowledge, developed at the intersection of many sciences and, above all, sociology and psychology.

Conflictology emerged as a relatively independent direction in sociology in the late 50s of the 20th century and was initially called “sociology of conflict.” This event is associated with the works of R. Dahrendorf (Germany) " Social classes and class conflicts in industrial society" (1957), as well as L. Coser (USA) - "Functions of social conflicts" (1956).

During the same period, a similar situation was observed in psychology. Thanks to the research of M. Sheriff, D. Rapoport, R. Doz, L. Thompson, K. Thomas, M. Deutsch, D. Scott and others, the psychology of conflict stands out as a relatively independent direction.

Research in the field of sociology of conflict and especially in the field of conflict psychology has contributed to the development of conflictology practice. The formation of conflict management practice occurred in the 70s of the 20th century. During this period, Horowitz and Boardman are creating a psychological training program aimed at teaching constructive behavior in conflict interactions. Charles Oswood developed the POIR (Post-Reciprocal and Reciprocal Initiatives to Reduce Tension) methodology, designed to resolve international conflicts.

In the development of conflict management practice, a special place was occupied by negotiation methods of conflict resolution (D. Scott; S. and G. Bower; G. Kelman, etc.). The development of technologies for negotiations with the participation of an intermediary mediator (V. Lincoln, L. Thompson, R. Rubin, etc.) led to the creation in the USA in the 1970-1980s educational institutions for the training of social mediators. During this period, the Harvard method of “principled negotiations” by R. Fisher and W. Urey gained worldwide fame.

In the 1980s, conflict management centers emerged in the United States and other countries of the world. And in 1986, in Australia, on the initiative of the UN, a International Center conflict resolution. In Russia, the first center for conflict resolution was created in St. Petersburg in 1993.

The concept of “conflict” (from the Latin Conflictus - clash) has more than one interpretation. In philosophy, this is a category that reflects the stage (phase and form) of the development of the category “contradiction”, when existing opposites turn into extreme opposites (polarity, antagonism), reaching the moment of mutual negation of each other and the removal of contradiction.

But, considering the starting positions for defining the concept of “conflict”, A.G. Zdravomyslov considers it unlawful to attempt to subsume it under a broader category of contradictions, since contradictions, in his opinion, do not always entail conflicts. To transform contradictions into conflicts, awareness of the opposition of interests and the corresponding motivation of interests are necessary. While the opposition of interests is not realized, the conflict, as the English political scientist E. Giddens believes, has not yet arisen.

There is a huge variety of conflicts in society, which is determined by the reasons for their occurrence.

Family conflicts are one of the most common forms of conflict. According to socialists, in 80-85% of families conflicts occur, and in the remaining 15-20% quarrels arise on various occasions.

According to the theme test work Let's consider the following tasks:

Identify the causes of family conflicts;

Classify family conflicts;

Determine possibilities for preventing and resolving family conflicts.

1. Family conflicts

The uniqueness of family relationships determines not only the origin and course of conflicts in the family, but also has a special impact on the social and mental health of all its members. Family conflicts are confrontations between family members based on a clash of opposing motives and views. It is believed that effective marital interaction is determined by the dynamic balance of the concepts of “WE” and “I”. Equilibrium is truly dynamic, because at any given time there is an emphasis on only one of the two concepts. When too strong development component “WE” - there is always a danger of inhibiting the personal growth of one of the spouses (and sometimes both). If the “I” component is highly developed, preconditions for disunity and resentment arise.

It is clear that the entire complex of relationships and problems that arise in marriage cannot be reduced only to the presence or absence of selfishness. Everything is much more complicated. What is the significance of family relationships? Why are they characterized by conflicts?

Family relations are regulated by society and are prescribed by law in the Family Code of the Russian Federation. But often, the concepts of “Marriage, spouses, responsibility, debt, divorce, jointly acquired property, etc.” do not always coincide with the ideas of one or both spouses.

Family relationships are based on obligations to each other, to oneself and to society. Each spouse may understand their or their partner’s obligations differently, ignore them, force the other partner to fulfill them, and so on. Often marriage becomes a platform for manipulating each other and replacing common goals with personal ones.

Family relationships are formed in most cases on the basis of the experience of the parent family of each spouse (which is sometimes very difficult to combine into a single understanding), and extremely rarely on the basis of mature ideas and realistic wishes of each partner. This becomes a reason for family conflicts.

The attitudes that arise in marriage are usually very rigid and are supported by both spouses, sometimes involuntarily.

1.1 Unconstructive attitudes towards marriage

The main, most common non-constructive attitudes towards marriage:

Pessimism.

Subjectivism.

Frivolity.

Idealism.

Unrealistic demands.

Orientation.

Fatalism.

Conservatism.

Sacrifice.

In fact, there are much more installations and it is impossible to list them all. It is important to learn how to recognize them correctly and in a timely manner and replace them with more effective ones.

It is impossible to exclude the occurrence of family conflicts, and family conflicts between close people almost always arise. It’s just that some families know how to solve them, while others don’t.

Because a family is not just a sum of people (family members), but an open, self-developing system with its own laws, norms of behavior and type of relationships. And changes that occur with one of the family members directly or indirectly affect the rest of its members. Family conflicts always affect the personal interests of one of the family members. And each family goes through certain stages of development, which are characterized by their own periods of tension and crises.

And here it is important to have effective and acceptable ways for all family members to solve these problems.

2. Reasonsemergencefamily conflicts

Family conflicts are diverse. These include conflicts between spouses, parents, children, and intergenerational conflicts between representatives of the younger and older generations. Conflicts in the family between its members arise over the performance of family functions, psychological contradictions, different understandings of family goals and development tasks of each generation, and the system of family values ​​of family members. Family conflict is perceived and managed by family members as a divergence, a clash of their interests, goals and needs.

Each of us can identify several reasons that cause frequent conflicts in the family:

* different views on family life;

* unmet needs and empty expectations;

* drunkenness of one of the spouses;

* infidelity;

* disrespectful attitude towards each other;

* reluctance to participate in raising children;

* household unsettlement;

* disrespect for relatives;

* reluctance to help around the house;

* differences in spiritual interests;

* mismatch of temperaments;

* jealousy, etc.

These are not all the reasons that cause conflicts in the family. Most often there are several reasons.

2.1 Types of conflicts

Conflicts can be divided into two types depending on their resolution.

Creative -- represents a certain patience in relations with each other, endurance and refusal of insults, humiliation; searching for the causes of conflict; mutual readiness for dialogue, efforts to change existing relationships. Result: friendly relations between spouses are established, communication becomes more constructive.

Destructive - represents insults, humiliation: the desire to “annoy”, teach a lesson more, blame someone else. The result: mutual respect disappears, communication with each other turns into a duty, often unpleasant.

So, let’s determine what is the basis for generating conflict in the family:

1. Unsatisfied need for self-affirmation.

2. The desire of one or both spouses to realize primarily personal needs in marriage (selfishness).

3. Inability of spouses to communicate with each other, with relatives, friends and acquaintances, and work colleagues.

4. Strongly developed material ambitions in one or both spouses.

5. Reluctance of one of the spouses to participate in housekeeping.

6. The presence of inflated self-esteem in one or both spouses.

7. The reluctance of one of the spouses to raise children or a divergence of views on methods of education.

8. Differences in spouses’ ideas about the content of the roles of husband, wife, father, mother, and head of the family.

9. Misunderstanding as a result of reluctance to engage in dialogue.

10. Different types the temperament of the spouses and the inability to take into account the type of temperament.

11. Jealousy of one of the spouses.

12. Adultery of one of the spouses.

13. Sexual coldness of one of the spouses.

14. Bad habits one of the spouses and the associated consequences.

15. Special cases.

3. Classification of conflicts

Physiological conflict. That is, partners, for example, have completely different biological cycles (one is a lark, the other is an owl), and against the background of this, a conflict situation necessarily arises. Psychologists advise nipping this type of conflict in the bud, and at the very beginning of family life, understand each other’s characteristics and talk about them directly. This is exactly the case when conflict can be avoided. And the only way to do this is to organize your living space so that neither spouse in it feels depressed and adapts to the desires and needs of the other. But if it was not possible to avoid misunderstanding, then you need to be aware that this type of conflict cannot be the basis for the destruction of a family, and the best way out of it is a compromise.

A psychosexual conflict overtakes the spouses at the very moment when the euphoria that the feeling of falling in love gives to the couple disappears from their lives. And a growing feeling of dissatisfaction with a partner is a good reason to begin preventing this type of conflict. A way to prevent this type conflict in the house is being with yourself at the very beginning sexual relations with a partner.

Status-role, and it is precisely with its occurrence that an impressive number of divorces among married couples is associated. If one of the partners in a couple demonstratively does not respect the other and belittles his role in every possible way, a status-role conflict is obvious. It appears in misalliances (better known as unequal marriages), and the inequality of partners is precisely social nature. To avoid this conflict, it is worth learning once and for all: it is impossible to re-educate an adult, and therefore it is useless to “nag” him.

In emotional conflict, the main problem is the lack of obvious expressions of love on the part of one of the spouses. This state of affairs is usually established in couples where one of the partners is closed and not too emotional person, and therefore he cannot repeat to his half about unearthly love every five minutes. And if this half is not too confident in itself and in the feelings of its spouse, then an emotional conflict will not keep itself waiting. In this case, a partner who is stingy with emotions needs to remember that it is impossible to look into the soul of another person. And if he does not show his warm attitude towards his beloved, then sooner or later (but most likely, sooner) he will doubt the presence of any feelings on the part of his partner.

Psychologists call age conflict not the eternal dispute between generations, but the misunderstanding that arises between people whose maturity is completely at different levels. To aggravate this type of conflict is as easy as shelling pears: you need to stop noticing your partner and demonstrate to him in every possible way that you cannot go out together. It is worth maintaining such a relationship only if each spouse is sure that the “one and only” is next to him. And if marriage is just preparatory stage Before new, real relationships, it is better to admit it to yourself and put an end to such a family. Moreover, psychologists say that age conflict is very difficult to resolve.

Value conflict. If the life priorities of two people are too different and do not find common ground, then the fact that they turned out to be connected by marriage cannot be called anything other than an accident.
However, socialists are confident that this type of conflict can be overcome if sufficient efforts are made to resolve it. Even if one of the spouses exhibits antisocial behavior or is addicted to alcohol or drugs, you can try to break out of your usual social circle and turn to socialists for such diseases. True, this version of the value conflict is still an extreme. In all other cases, on initial stage problems are brewing, you need to try not to infringe on your partner’s values, and then the chance of not reaching a conflict is very, very high.

Material conflict. When society is so electrified and obsessed with material goods, any financial condition family boat can capsize and sink. And here there can be two options for the development of events. The first is a total lack of money in the family, which leads to endless reproaches to each other for their inability to earn or spend. And the second is a sudden significant increase in the family budget, and the spouse, who has achieved such gains, decides to find himself a more suitable partner. This development of events can be avoided only if the partners manage to both take a significant position in all matters that relate to earning and spending cash. And if it is possible to create a situation where the family budget belongs equally to both spouses, then a material conflict will have no chance of destroying the family.

4. Family warnings conflicts

Prevention and resolution of family conflicts should be considered as the main activities for managing such conflicts. Often, when resolving family conflicts, they use the services of a mediator.

Prevention of family conflicts depends on all family members and, above all, on the spouses. It should be borne in mind that some minor family quarrels can have a positive direction, helping to reach agreement on controversial issues and preventing a larger conflict. But in most cases, family conflicts should not be allowed. The main ways to prevent family conflicts depend on the potential subjects of conflict interaction (spouse, parent, children, relatives, etc.). For each specific case, you can find useful advice in the recommended literature.

4.1 Ways to prevent family conflicts

Here we will name only the most general ways to prevent family conflicts, arising from the socio-psychological patterns of family development. These ways are:

* formation of psychological and pedagogical culture, knowledge of the basics of family relationships (primarily this applies to spouses);

* raising children taking into account their individual psychological and age characteristics, as well as emotional states;

* organizing a family on a full-fledged basis, forming family traditions, developing mutual assistance, mutual responsibility, trust and respect;

* formation of a culture of communication.

5. Methodsfamily conflict resolution

Conflicts have existed and will exist; they are an integral part of human relations. They arise due to differences between people, due to the fact that the actions, ideas, and feelings of each of us are not the same and sometimes come into conflict with each other.

Based on the work of David Johnson, we can propose one of the possible models of behavior for resolving a conflict situation.

The following factors play an important role in constructive conflict resolution:

Adequacy of conflict reflection.

Often in a situation of conflict, we incorrectly perceive our own actions, intentions and positions, as well as the actions, intentions and points of view of our opponent. Typical reflections of perception include:

Categorical - seeing the relationship with a spouse in “black and white colors”. If a problem is identified in some aspect of the marriage, you are inclined to believe that the marriage is doomed. And vice versa, if there is progress in any area of ​​the relationship, then you are completely calm about the marriage as a whole.

Pessimism - You notice and attach importance only to the negative aspects and ignore the positive aspects of your married life. Your forecasts for your future together are quite gloomy.

Subjectivism - you ignore what is completely understandable, focusing on “your own” facts. You are used to using your feelings as evidence of something.

Frivolity - You are sure that the problem does not exist or that individual facts that occur do not have any significance for your marriage.

Idealism - you have a romantic outlook on life. Your expectations for yourself, your partner, and your marriage in general are not realistic.

Unrealistic demands - You demand your spouse to be the way YOU want him to be. The most common words in your vocabulary are “should” and “must”.

Comfort orientation - You view marriage as a tool for satisfying only your needs and increasing the level of only your comfort.

Getting stuck - you become fixated on one, often negative, event and subsequently view your relationship with your spouse through the “prism” of this event.

Fatalism - You refuse to change anything in your marriage, not because everything suits you, but because “nothing can be changed.” The principle “what will be will be.”

Conservatism - You view marriage as an established stereotype of relationships. External influences cause you anxiety. The thought that something needs to change is fear.

Sacrifice - You view marriage from the perspective of sacrifice and the need to constantly sacrifice something: to save the marriage, for the sake of someone or something. A classic example: for the sake of the children. The main mistake is that children, accepting your way of relationships, implement it in their families, dooming themselves to the same role of “victim” (the principle of negative programming).

In any conflict, both partners experience so-called mixed feelings. On the one hand, everyone feels hostility, anger or hatred towards the other, a desire for the opponent to give up his position, on the other hand, opponents have more benevolent feelings generated by the totality of previous relationships, as well as a desire for mutual understanding and agreement.

Knowing this, in a conflict situation you need to carefully analyze your feelings in specific cases.

Openness and effectiveness of communication between conflicting parties;

This is the main condition for constructive conflict resolution. In this regard, sometimes it makes sense at the very beginning of a conflict to take a risk and express to each other as fully as possible, even in a harsh form, what you feel.
At this very moment there is no point in trying to decide something; the main thing is not to offend or humiliate your partner.

Mutual expression of feelings can help create the conditions for using communication to constructively exchange ideas. And also, you should avoid threats, lies, attempts to manipulate your partner, because these actions are dictated by the desire to get the upper hand over the enemy, and not to achieve mutual agreement.

Creating a climate of mutual trust and cooperation.

The conflict is resolved more effectively if both parties are interested in achieving some common result that encourages cooperation.

5.1 Odefining the essence of the conflict.

The more precise the definition of the essential elements of a conflict, the easier it is to find means for effective behavior. Consistent behavior aimed at overcoming the conflict as a whole involves several stages:

a) identification of the main problem;

b) determining the cause of the conflict;

c) searching for possible ways to resolve the conflict;

d) joint decision to exit the conflict;

e) implementation of the planned joint method of resolving the conflict;

f) assessing the effectiveness of efforts made to resolve the conflict.

- Conclusion -

Conflicts are an inexhaustible object of knowledge about which absolutely everything cannot be learned. In connection with this, the subject of conflictology is those patterns, aspects, characteristics of conflicts that science is able to study at this stage of its development. The object of conflictology is a much more conservative education compared to the subject. An object may change as a result of its own development, in addition, its boundaries may be clarified due to more deep penetration science into the essence of the phenomena being studied. The objects of conflictology - social or intrapersonal - are unlikely to undergo significant changes in the foreseeable future.

Listusedliterature

1. Antsupov A.Ya., Shipilov A.I. Conflictology. - M.: UNITY, 2004.

2. Grishina N.V. Psychology of conflict 2nd ed. - St. Petersburg, 2008.

3. Druzhinin V.N. Family psychology. - M.:KSP, 3rd ed. 2008.

4. Emelyanov S.M. Workshop on conflict management. 3rd ed., rev. and additional - St. Petersburg, 2009.

5. Zerkin D.P. Fundamentals of conflictology: a course of lectures. Rostov n/d., 2000.

6. Textbook. 2nd ed. Conflictology/Ed. A.S. Carmina. - St. Petersburg: Lan, 2000.

7.Kozrev G.I. - Introduction to conflictology: textbook. - .: Vlados, 2001.

8. Psychology. Textbook/Ed. A.A. Krylova - M.: Prosᴨȇkt, 2nd edition - 2003.

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